IDF Claims Huge Achievement for Defensing Against Molasses Slow Iranian Attack

Following the molasses-slow attempted assault on Israel by Iran, the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) celebrated their prevention of 99% of the Iranian drones and missiles from touching down in Israel. According to estimates, roughly 300 projectiles were tossed at the Jewish state from various locations in the Middle East.

While Israel and their Iron Dome handled much of the defense, the US, UK, and Jordanian troops also helped shoot down multiple Iranian drones. As a result, the only casualty was an Arab Israeli girl, a Bedouin Muslim in the Israeli city of Arad, who had her life cut short through shrapnel from the attack.

In response to their “victory,” IDF Spokesman Rear Admiral Daniel Hagari spoke to his countrymen.

“In addition to the launches from Iran, several launches were made from the territories of Iraq and Yemen. None of them crossed into Israeli territory. In recent hours, dozens of rockets were fired from Lebanese territory toward the north; there were no casualties. Fighter jets struck Hezbollah targets across Lebanon, including Radwan targets. All this while additional aircraft continue their defense missions.”

He also didn’t hesitate to share praise for the nations who have been supporting the Israelis. “Over the past six months, we have been operating in close coordination with our partners, led by US CENTCOM, the UK, France, and other countries that operated last night. This partnership has always been robust, but last night it was exceptionally evident. Last night we conducted a complex defensive air battle, with excellent performance by the IAF and the Intelligence Directorate. The battle was directed under the command of the Chief of the General Staff from the Israeli Air Force Operations Center.”

While commendable that he thanked other nations for helping, this wasn’t a defense exercise that took significant work. This was like putting an MLB batter up against a middle school softball pitcher; they were slow, poorly targeted, and ineffective. For now, we are waiting to see if Israel bothers to respond, or if they obey our Commander in Dementia Joe Biden and just turn the other cheek.