Abbott Goes Full Stratego: Plans to Build Giant Military Base at the Border

Lost_in_the_Midwest /
Lost_in_the_Midwest /

In a move that could only be described as pulling a page straight from the playbook of a Stratego board game, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has decided that the best way to deal with what he perceives as the Biden administration’s immigration policy equivalent of a shrug is to go big. And not just Texas big, but “let’s build a massive military base” big.

Where does Abbott plan to build this much-needed military base? You got it, near El Paso, Texas. This planned fortress will be the Lone Star State’s latest attempt to say, “Don’t mess with Texas,” to any unauthorized border crossers with dreams of stepping foot on its sacred soil because nothing says “welcome to the neighborhood” quite like a sprawling military complex. This isn’t just a response to the immigration situation; it’s Abbott slamming his piece onto the board in a dramatic power play, essentially going full Stratego on the border.

With his best “I’m the sheriff around these parts” attitude, Abbott announced that this isn’t just any military base. Oh no, this will be the pièce de résistance of military bases, housing the heroic National Guard troops tasked with the Sisyphean task of keeping the southern border as impenetrable as a teenager’s diary. Located in Eagle Pass, the base will sprawl over 80 acres of Texas terrain, a clear message that when it comes to border security, Texas isn’t just participating; it’s looking to dominate the leaderboard.

With accommodations for up to 1,800 members of the Texas National Guard (and an extra 500 just for the heck of it), this base is less “temporary encampment” and more “fortified mini-city.” Abbott might as well have unfurled blueprints with a flourish in his announcement, declaring, “Behold, the ultimate stronghold!” because this base is designed to consolidate Texas’ forces into one strategic mega-force. The first wave of 300 beds, promised by April, suggests this isn’t just talk. Texas is about to get its military metropolis.

Abbott’s rationale? It’s as if he’s staring down the barrel of the Biden administration’s policies with a look that says, “I’ll handle it myself.” Operation Lone Star, therefore, will not just continue but will do so with the enthusiasm of a Texas-sized tailgate party, minus the barbecue and beer.

Abbott has taken to the offensive as the Biden administration supposedly keeps its hands in its pockets and whistles past the graveyard of border security. He’s not just laying down miles of razor wire; he’s sending illegal migrants to Democratic “sanctuary cities” with the enthusiasm of a kid shipping off to summer camp, albeit with a far more political undertone. It’s Abbott’s way of saying, “If you love them so much, you can keep them,” wrapped up in a bow of political theater.

Major General Thomas Suelzer, getting in on the action, has announced plans to beef up Texas’ presence with fan boats and an expanded drone program because, apparently, what the Texas border really needs is more gadgets and gizmos afloat. Abbott champions these moves with the zeal of a man who’s just seen his football team make the playoffs, boasting about the drop in crossings at Shelby Park as if he’s personally rolled out the razor wire himself.

And let’s not forget the amenities. This military base will feature all the comforts of home: a 700-seat dining facility (because nothing builds camaraderie like a communal meal), a recreation center (for all those inter-mission pickup basketball games), laundry facilities, WiFi (a must for any modern military installation), individual rooms (because privacy is still a thing, even in the military), chaplaincy programs, and comprehensive medical and psychological health facilities. It’s a military-themed resort, minus the leisure and relaxation part.

In sum, Abbott’s plan to fortify the Texas border isn’t just a policy move; it’s a declaration, a spectacle, a strategic masterstroke in his mind, designed to secure the Lone Star State with all the subtlety of a cannonball dive into a swimming pool. Welcome to Texas, where the response to immigration policy is to build a military base so equipped it could double as a small town. If Abbott aimed to make a statement, consider the message received loud and clear.